My Brain Hurts
by C.N.Wolfe
Summary: Hermione Granger meets a blue-haired Japanese girl named Ami Mizuno. It's all a strange dream hosted by a strange crab-haired woman... isn't it? Fic additionally crosses over with the Tenchi Muyo Multiverse, featured character from that universe being Washu - and a special appearance by Ryo-Oki! Currently a one-shot, potentially more to come. Stands alone.


A/N This bit of slightly cracked story was inspired by my Partner/Muse/Beta/Sounding Board wondering out loud what would happen if Ami and Hermione were to meet somehow. My brain hit the ground running. Initially intended as a one-shot, I've already got some ideas for continuing, so this may grow into a "real" fic in the near future.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, or Tenchi Muyo multiverses belong to their respective owners. Any mistakes are mine, as I've done a second run-through edit, but this one hasn't had a formal beta-read.

"Attention Class!" At the sound of the unfamiliar, yet almost overly enthusiastic voice, Hermione bolted upright, jerking her head off of the half-desk in front of her. She found that she was in a lecture hall, similar to the one she'd had the opportunity to observe at Oxford the previous summer. Next to her was an Asian girl in a Japanese school uniform, with startlingly blue hair, looking just as panicked to be awoken during a class of any sort as she herself felt.

At the front of the hall was a diminutive woman with bright red hair that – if looked at just right – was styled to look as though there was a large crab positioned atop her head. The woman seemed very youthful in appearance, but at the same time had what her father would have called _something of an old soul _about her. Glancing around surreptitiously, she saw that except for the blue haired girl and herself, the seats of the hall were filled with dummies that bore a striking resemblance to the woman down at the lectern (though without the incongruous graduation cap and gown), though a few here and there were populated with dummies of a much taller, very slender woman, with hair that defied the description of "big." On the desk in front of the whiteboard (which was filled with very obscure looking equations) was an odd brown animal that appeared to be a cross between a rabbit of some sort and a cat or kneazle – obviously a magical creature of some kind, as it seemed to have red gems embedded in its forehead.

Before she could take anything more in, the strange woman with the crab hairdo was tapping a ruler on the podium. "As I said, attention, class! We have two newcomers with us today. If the two of you would be so kind as to come down to the center floor and introduce yourselves, I would appreciate it." Her gesturing left no doubt that she meant Hermione and the blue-haired girl. Apprehensive, and the other girl seeming to be so too, the pair of them stood, and made their way down.

When they reached the woman, she leaned forward and looked up at the two of them, a conspiratorial sparkle in her eyes. "We're all out of our multiverses here – no need to worry about silly things like secret identities or statutes of secrecy – no one could give them away even if they wanted to." Leaning back, she said in a louder, cheerful voice, "now who'd like to be first."

The blue-haired girl gave Hermione such a panicked, shy look, so Hermione, who had been bound she would go second, grit her teeth and took a half step forward. Ready to obliviate the strange woman when this was over, she began her introduction. "My name is Hermione Granger. I'm currently ready to begin my 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Scotland. My parents are Dentists, and I have a pet kneazle named Crookshanks. I hate flying, and usually top my year in Charms, Runes, and Transfiguration. I'm planning on taking a record number of N.E.W.T.s, even though I had to reduce the number of classes I took at O.W.L level when I returned the Time Turner I'd been allowed to borrow. I'm a House Prefect for Gryffindor. And I have no idea what else you'd like me to say."

The strange woman coughed something that sounded suspiciously like 'Voldemort.'

"Oh, one of my two best friends is the Boy Who Lived, and I'm constantly helping him either try to escape or foil the plans of the Dark Wizard known as Lord Voldemort, who contrary to some naysayers is indeed back from his presumed death. I expect that when the final battle comes, I'll be somewhere in the thick of it, helping my other friend Ron watch Harry's back." Nervously, she took a half step back, moving back in line with the now very pale looking girl who was the only other 'real' person in the room other than crab-head.

"Your turn, Ms. Mizuno," said the strange red-haired woman.

She took a deep breath, stepped forward, and seemed to rattle off her whole introduction without stopping for another breath. "I am Ami Mizuno, also known as Sailor Mercury – the inner Senshi of water and ice. I enjoy swimming competitively. I consistently rank at the top of the nation on practice and actual national exams. My friends and I are charged with – and are, in one case – the care of the Moon Princess Usagi, also known as Sailor Moon, or eventually Serenity. We have saved the World – or at least Tokyo – several times thus far. Our mission is to protect what was once the Earth and Moon Kingdoms until the time of Crystal Tokyo, when all will be united again. Our enemies are many, and in most cases from outside this solar system, or in some from outside the dimension. I have already died and been resurrected by our Princess once. My personal role is one mostly of tactics and defense." She gave a short bow, then stepped back into the almost-line with Hermione.

"What splendid students!" Exclaimed the crab-haired scholar. "You only needed to be told once. Of course, it probably doesn't hurt that either of you would likely have means of wiping the memories of the rest of us if you needed to. I assure you – you won't need to. Now, I ought to introduce myself. I am Professor Washu, but you may call me Little Washu –"

"Mother!" A door opened in midair, and through it stepped the woman the dolls that didn't have crab-hair must have been based on. Seeing her surroundings, she paused for a moment. "Wait – where's your lab? Never mind, who are these kids? Where's Ryo-Oki? Why are there dummies of m—" Suddenly tape was over her mouth, and she was bound to a new, empty seat, all at a finger snap from Little Washu.

"Sorry about that girls," she said to her two 'pupils', then turned to the woman who'd called her Mother. "No Space Pirates on the guest list for today, dear. You'll just have to sit back and watch. I've called a multiverse meeting. We may need outside help soon, and it wouldn't surprise me if at some point these fine young women needed a hand themselves."

The supposed Space-Pirate continued to struggle and try to shout from under the tape over her mouth. Finally Professor Washu sighed, and snapped her fingers again. This time, the scenery around them dissolved into an expansive and odd looking lab. The only things remaining the same were the odd animal on a wooden desk, the tall woman bound to the chair, and the presence of the other 'real' people – however, the Professor's mockingly scholarly attire had been replaced with something much more casual.

"I suppose I have to deal with her," said Little Washu. "Your assignment for this class is – either independently or as a pair – to analyze little Ryo-Oki here." She reached out to scratch behind the animal's ears. "She's very easy going. When you've finished, let me know so I can give her a few carrots to thank her for sitting still for you. I'll be over there dealing with Ryoko." And she walked away, muttering slightly.

Hermione gave a shy smile to Ami. "Well, I suppose it's a good thing I have my wand. What does a Sailor Senshi use to analyze something?"

"Any of the rest of them use me. I usually use this." And she took out a tiny computer, not much larger than a cell-phone. "Your Japanese is very good."

Hermione raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "I was just going to say that your English was very good."

"Another mystery. This place is full of them. If we finish quickly enough, I'm going to try to figure out where we are. It seems too odd to be a dream. And generally Usagi and Rei are the ones who get the prophetic dreams."

"It's Harry where I come from. And I think sometimes Ginny." She watched Ami tap at her computer and then stare at a readout on a screen that popped up on a headset that came out of nowhere. "It sounded as though you and your friends used some sort of magic…" she began.

"I suppose we do."

"Then how does your computer work?"

"It runs on the same force that powers our… abilities."

If Hermione had been drinking anything, there would have been a spit-take. "It _runs_ on Magic?"

"Does technology not work with Magic where you come from?"

"Not at all," said Hermione, finally taking out her wand to begin running a few diagnostic spells on the adorable creature that Washu had called Ryo-Oki. "I wonder why yours _does_?"

"The one who seems to have brought us here implied we were from differing dimensions. Perhaps that is the reason why?"

"It must be."

There was a lull of silence for a while, as both ran their individual scans and non-invasive tests on the creature. Or, construct. Different tests seemed to be giving different answers. Finally Hermione was too tempted by her curiosity. "Can I give your computer a try?"

"I'm not sure you'll be able to read it, but you're welcome to."

"Well, our spoken languages seem to translate, so I may be able to read the Japanese –"

"Technically it's written and programmed in Mercurean."

"I… after the experience so far, I suppose that doesn't surprise me. I would like to at least look at it, though."

"As I said, you are welcome to try."

Gingerly, Hermione took the offered piece of technology, and after a few tentative keystrokes, was soon deeply engrossed, and believed she was seeing that its scans had revealed similar information to what her own diagnostic spells had shown her.

"You can understand it?"

"Enough to get by… I've been studying Ancient Atlantean this summer as a bonus project for my Runes class. Apparently the alphabet and syntax are very similar to your Mercurean."

"Wow," said Ami.

"Wow is right," said Hermone, "I don't know if I'm more floored that I can read it, or that I'm actually using a piece of magic-run technology!"

"Are my conclusions similar to yours?"

"That she's both a hybrid species and a mechanical construct at the same time? Yes, although I'm not sure how that's possible, even _with_ magic…"

Washu was suddenly standing between them, holding Ryo-Oki, and feeding her a carrot. "Any sufficiently advanced Technology is indistinguishable from Magic," she said. "What most people don't realize is that in a technology minded civilization, the inverse is also true – any sufficiently advanced Magic can sometimes be indistinguishable from Technology!"

Hermione happened to still be wearing Ami's computer, and turned to look at Little Washu, a bit startled that she'd appeared. The blinding light, and blisteringly fast calculations that whizzed past her eyes made her so dizzy she fell to the floor.

She vaguely remembered Ami gently helping her to sit up, and removing the computer from her grasp. Then came Washu's voice, "You've both done very well here, but there's a great more to be done if we three are to form a proper partnership. Not mentioning your own powers haven't fully matured yet, either of you. I reserve the right to call you at any time, but if you would like to request a meeting between the three of us, just activate the talisman you'll find at your return." Then everything faded to black.

For a second time, Hermione jerked awake off of a desk, but this time it was the desk in her room, back home. For a moment, she sat rubbing the crick out of her neck, pondering what could have prompted such a strange dream. Then she spotted the gold-hued, sickle-sized coin on her desk. It was emblazoned with a high definition, embossed crab on one side, and a picture of Ryo-Oki munching a carrot on the reverse.

Apparently this time the strange adventure had found her instead of Harry, she mused. Now if only she knew what to make of it. Suddenly she decided that her brain hurt. In a move almost unknown to Hermione Granger, she closed her textbooks, and went downstairs to watch something on the Telly for the rest of the night.


End file.
